[G L O W 2 0 0 7]
I admit, I am currently morning the loss of CCBY (my life revolved around you) but God is really using this year. I think a lot about what this year is is not being dependent on other people for my faith. Not being dependent on the weekly sermon to fire me up or fellow Christians.
Cause my faith is between me and Christ. That relationship there. And I think this year is cool cause it is becoming more so that. Where I don`t have someone checking up on me weekly.
Well, I do... sort of. But no sermon I can completely understand.
(I write this all out because it gets confusing in my head... and it feels good to finally step back and look at what is happening)
It was a pretty amazing weekend.
(naturally I miss CCBY especially... jumping for Jesus, the after glow, crying our eyes out, really feeling the presence of the Lord, fired up for Christ).
A general overview of the weekend... and skip to the end if you want to read about, well, what I think God is showing me. Ok, what he IS showing me.
I went up to the weekend with Ruth, Emmanuel, and Eveline in Ruth`s car... we went to Murtun or something like that. I forget, honestly, as usual. Swiss names are quite difficult for me to remember.
On the way up, listened to some Christian music and that was refreshing beyond belief. And the fact I had someone else singing with me made it all the better.
We reached the FEG Murton church, parked, went out for a bagette sandwhich lunch, met up with two other folks whose names I can not spell who go to my church as well and we headed back.
It was really well put together, the weekend.
Quite a bit of down time, but I liked that. Time to just hang out.
The opened with some amazing worship. I loved it.. I really did. Reminded me of home a bit. A band called Narroway from Thun. They sang both English, German, and Swiss German songs. And often, I knew the German songs... just the English version.
They sang some of our favourites (History Maker... wow, I almost cried to that one, "we sing glory, honour, power and strength to the Lord", "Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord") and I got some new favourites. (Click here.. and wait to hear a bit of You Shine). I will get up some sounds clips.. I recorded a bit so you guys could hear.
And the messages were of course all in German... so I had a difficult time there. But it was still worth my time. I think I misunderstood a few times... a lot. Especially when I thought he was talking about "flying tuna fish".
And they had something called the Idea Market... and that was pretty much a bunch of boothes and so forth where you could discus ways to bring others to Christ or ministries for Christ at school, sports, missions, and so forht.
My favourite was the missions.. they had a girl from England there representing OM. It was so refreshing to talk to her. I am going to visit her soon in Zurich. Rosie! She has been here for pretty much two years.
It made me realize that God could have a lot of plans for me that I haven`t even thought of. She is here on missions to Switzerland... not exactly the first place you would think of going for a missions trip. I am looking into that now. Who knows what God has in store.
We slept in a bomb shelter underneath a school... and that made me smile.. a lot. Although I was a bit, er, anxious sleeping after I was warned that the mattresses were... dirty? So yeah, I defnitly was in my sleeping bag that night.. and George (my monkey) wore an extra shirt to keep him clean. I think I fell asleep around 1:15.. but who knows.
Now what was God showing me there...
I honestly don`t know if it was just me or if God was speaking to me... but here is what happened.
We were singing and I got a hug and then sat on the ground. That is how I am used to worshiping God, either standing or on the ground hugging my knees or something.
The entire weekend I had sort of felt, well, distant from God. And it was really scary. Like I saw him there but I couldn`t reach him. And I know, draw near to God and he will draw to you, but something wasn`t working. I was even scared. I tried to figure out what the boundaries were.. something keeping me from him. And slowly began to work things through and pray. Sins. And even forgetting to trust in him with my future more.
And then there I was on the ground. And I stated to think of CCBY and family. And I pictured myself hugging people (Mom, Dad, Ian, Jenny, Caitie, Emily, Sarah and so forth). And, well, it wasn`t working. I couldn`t hug them. They disapeared or something. It was like hugging air. And so I cried.
And then, I turned around (in my mind) and there behind me was God. Shining. Smiling. Right beside me. Behind me. Dressed in white. So gentle. (before, I had been trying to go to a God in front of me and he was really far away).
And, well, stuff happened.
He pulled me onto his lap (I stopped crying then) and he wrapped his arms around me.
And he told me I am his little girl and he will be with me through this year. Always right beside me.
And then... we danced.
We ran around dancing, having fun, laughing, together. Reminding me he is not just a serious God... he is a God of joy! And so that was amazing. Just dancing with the Father. Him looking down on me with this amazing loving face. Well.. his face wasn`t clear. But you could just feel it.
And he wants me to be a light for him. Smiling. Joyful. I can`t really discribe, explain it.
We were in a big open whiteness sort of room...
I don`t know if it is bad for me to post this. Am I supposed to keep stuff like this to myself? I just never want to forget it... ever. Ever. Did I make it up? Was it all in my head and me wanting to see that or was God.. well. I don`t know. I am really confused. Did I make that up? Was it just me? Was it God. Wonderign... But also so joyful. I mean, God is with me! That is SO cool. I am not alone! I am not alone!
He has given me an amazing church family to watch out for me this year.. and another one back home who is praying for me every step of the way.
God is soo good.
God is so good.
God is so good.
And things get rough... but that cool guy up there is looking down on me.
That was pretty much my weekend.
Ooohyes, the ride home.
We listened to some, er, interesting music. Not sure how to describe it. Well.. there is one word for it.
I admit it grew on me... a bit.
Something about a wild rabbit?
And OoooooOOooOOOh Cathy? in the country?
I enjoyed my time a LOT though in the car.
(Emmanuel... you drive fast... I think? I just converted in the KM to Miles... and no wonder the car made cool noises...)
Anyways, Eveline had some Christian CDs and wow. That could have been the highlight of my weekend right there. It was sooo cool hearing Christian music being played really loud. And not singing on my own. Having someone else there to share in the excitement of each song. Goodness, it was like each song was a present. Just going to Switzerland in fall. Those are the memories I want to, well, remember.